Crazy World of Joel Shoe Maker
by hikkifan89
Summary: UPDATED August 10. A pretty messed up version of the 2004 PotO. The views of the characters are...are..Let's just say we were very hyper when we made it.
1. 1: Duct tape and Electricity!

Authors - Sooo, here it is. Chappy one of our extremly odd phic. I guess we came up with the idea when we were really bored and really hyper. Made it on Yahoo! Messaging, we did! I guess just RxR.

Yumi - Rest and relaxation? Rail road crossing? -ponders-

Jonochi – Just give us candy.

Note: SERIOUS Raoul bashing here. But it's a good laugh even for Raoul lovers. (at least I think it is…) Anywho, we shall update soon!

We own Raoul's curling iron and Firmin's candy. Maybe the duct tape on the chandelier.

X

Auctioneer: Lot 664: some picture of some woman holding some thing. Any takers?

Invisible guy: Ill have it!

Auctioneer: Sounds good…Lot 665: A musical monkey. Damn, that's ugly. So ugly, it looks like a doorknob with fangs attached to it's hairy green nose. ANY TAKERS!

Some old guy who came in a wheelchair (we'll call him Raoul): That sounds like something that suits me...I'LL TAKE IT!

Auctioneer: mutters Your money, not mine...

Mme. Giry (we think): But but but...fiiiinnneee...

Auctioneer: Lot 666: A broken chandelier taped up with duct tape. Duct tape fixes anything!

Assistant: Electricity too!

nobody bids-

Auctioneer: Duct tape and Electricity! Everybody likes duct tape and electricity...right?

still no body bids-

Assistant: well then...if that's how you're all going to be... -pulls on a rope and makes the chandelier go up- YAY! Whoa...where'd the Organ come from?

Organ/Chandelier/Whatever: Buuuuuuuuuum! Bum bum bum bum bum!

Auctioneer: A musical chandelier! Wow!

That Mme. Giry chick: Now I want it! Oh dear...TIME TRAVEL!

Marty: Wouldn't that make a time paradox to see yourself?

Doc: Which could destroy the whole entire universe!

Einstein: Bark bark bark!

Shoe Maker: That was unintentional…

Anyway, the Musical Chandelier of Time Travel brought us back to a more colorful time…

Andre: Together once again, aren't we, my dear Richard?

Firmin: Let go of my hand. I don't blow that way.

Andre: Since when? What about that other--Oooohh...An Opera house!

Carlotta: ...ooooof ROOOOOOOooooMMMmmmMMMeeeeeee!

Windows, Mirrors, and glass: -break-

Reyer:-sees the viscount, manager, Firmin, and Andre- Ugh...FINALY you four get here!

Firmin: Sorry we're late. SOMEBODY had to stop and fix his hair for an hour. -everyone looks at Raoul-

Raoul: Its not easy being a woman!

Christine: Wow! It's Raoul! My childhood sweet heart.

Meg: Christine he's...soo...uh, handsome?

Christine: He? What are you talking about? Whatever...I'm not that way anymore...

Raoul: So yeah. I have to go fix my hair. It's going flat again. -walks off-

Piangi: Fine...don't say hi! -runs away crying-

Reyer: Strange cast we have…

Christine: He didn't recognize me. He didn't even look at my face!

Meg: That's because he was busy looking at your boo- uh, hair. Yeah…hair…

Mme. Giry: GIRLZ! Less of ze tawking and more of ze danzing!

Girls: -prance-

Carlotta: EeeeEeeeEEEEeEEE!

Skirt: -rips-

Carlotta: Grrr!

Carlotta: Now...I mad. I no sing for any uff you!

Firmin: Keep singing for us. We have candy...

Carlotta: Oooh...YUM!

Andre: Candy?

Carlotta: Think of me...uhm...fondlyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...

Erik: Dammit, there she goes again!-pulls rope to the backdrop-

Backdrop: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Carlotta: ...yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...-takes breath-yyyyyyyyyyyy...AH!-gets knocked out by backdrop-

Erik: Oops...Sorry...I think I'm changing the story line...

Reyer: -mutters-Nice work Erik... AH NO! Carlotta!

Mme. Giry: -grumbles- I thought I waz ze only one hyoo nyew ze Fantome's name waz Erik...

X

More soon. We promise! -( '.' )-


	2. 2: Candy

Yumi - --listens to Sweeney Todd--

Jonochi - --listens to Les Miserables--

Yumi – Sweeney Todd is better!

Jonochi – No, Les Miserables!

Yumi – Sweeney Todd! Sweeney Todd infinity times! --sticks out tongue--

Jonochi – Les Miserables infinity and one times! Haha!

X

Carlotta: --wakes up-- Ow? Oh yes...ow! Now I defineetly no singa for you! --runs out sobbing--

Reyer: Wait! Your candy! --runs after Carlotta--

Andre: We need and Understudy!

Firmin: What? I don't study under things with Andre! Whoever told you that? Was it, Mr. Guy-with-the-freaky-makeup? --glances around nervously--

Mme. Giry: Zehre iz no guy with ze freaky makeup! Zo dun't sink zat! Okay? Okay. And ze guy with ze freaky makeup wantz 'is money

Erik: --thinks to himself-- I do NOT have freaky makeup! I was born with it!

Andre: Gee wiz, Firmin. We lost our music star. By gosh, this just isn't keen at all. This is not swell at all.

Mme. Giry: Zis cheek can zing eet!

Meg: Me! Oh mother, thank you!

Mme. Giry: Not you...ze othehr cheek.

Andre: --looks around for Raoul-- I don't see her...

Reyer: --runs back with a lollipop in his mouth-- From the beginning of the –cough--POP BALLED --cough-- song then.

Christine: I don't want a backdrop to fall on me though! Did anybody ever think of that? Of course not! Whatever...nobody cares about me...--grumbles-- ahem... --really fast costume change-- Think of me!

Raoul: Yes Ma'am I will! --runs to Christine--

Erik: Oh no you don't!

(For some reason, Raoul never makes it to Christine even though that seemed to be where he was headed. We'll believe that it was the Phantom who stopped him. But then...how did the Phantom get all the way to Christine was later? Damn. These people move fast)

Erik: --out of breath-- Brav...aaaa...—cough--

Christine: Aww! Daddy! --hugs wall--

Meg: --walks in-- What are you doing to that wall Chrissy?

Christine: Uh...erm...Meggy…Father once spoke of an angel!

Meg: Oh? So the wall's your angel is it? Whatever...You're pretty strange...

Christine: Angel of Music! Hide no longer, pedophile!

Erik: HEY!

Meg: Uh...I think you hurt the walls feelings...

X

Aww, thanks you guys for the reviews We really appreciate it.

**I am the Angel of Music** – I want to get CPR from Erik…

**Reltistic** – I think we all have really strong feeling for the guy. Lol!

**Awanderingchild** – We all knew Raoul was a girl, didn't we? Tee hee…

Virginia Wildchild – Some spelling mistakes are accents. We used spell check. Don't worry. 

**artgem04** – nods Hyperness is good.

**Jonochi** – You came up with the name and shoe maker, but…I came up with candy!


	3. 3: Dolls you shouldn't have

Yumi: So! I went at midnight to go get the new Harry Potter book (Half Blood Prince). And now I'm not that very far since I have to share it with my sister. What's up with THAT?

Jonochi: Didn't go at midnight, but I'm farther than you. YAY!

Yumi: -sticks out tounge-

X

-So, Christine hurts the walls feeling and Erik's, but she honestly doesn't care. She and Meg leave the little…wherever they were. And POOF! Meg seemingly turns into her Mother. They go to the dressing room.-

Mme. Giry: No pictures! No autographs! NO! slams the door on the strange people

Mme. Giry: Weel...Ze guy with ze makeup gives you another roze...I steel wonder whehre 'e getz 'em...but...whatever... -Exit-

Raoul: -Enters- Lotte! So good to see you. Man, I didn't know you could sing!

Christine: I've been singing since I was four years old, ya idiot.

Raoul: Ah…that explains a lot…whatever…

Christine: Father told me that when he dies, and hopefully goes to heaven, he would send me the Angel of Music!

Raoul: Oh, no doubt of it! And now, we go to supper!

Christine: No, Raoul.

Raoul: -blinks-

Christine: Erik is strict. I mean, uh, the Angel of Music is strict.

Raoul: Erik? Who's Erik? Is he that pervert who lives in your closet and sings to you? _Wait_...I think I'm

starting to get this...

Mme. Giry: -listening behind the door- Gee, he's a quick one!

Christine: Yes, Raoul, your point is..?

Raoul: Well...I just thought that...-shifty eyes- Lets just get to super! Two minutes...Little Lotte! -trots off singing Barbie Girl-

Christine: No, Raoul, wait! Wait! WAIT, DAMMIT

Erik: -listening to the conversation- What did he mean by pervert? I'm not a per-...well, I did hide behind her mirror and watcher her lots of times...-giggles-

Christine: Nuh? Wassat?

Erik: Insolent girl…tee hee! Boy! This...frail...young suitor?

Christine: I thought it was brave young suitor. –shrugs- Anyway, what have _you_ been doing behind _my_ mirror?

Erik: You mean that wasn't the closet? Crap. Well, I was behind there because I wanted to ask…do ya…well…do ya wanna come to my lair and sing songs with me?

Christine: Hmmm, uh, _NO._

Erik: It's my SECRET lair!

Christine: Wow! Okay!

Christine: -stares in amazement- Whoa. I never knew how tan you were.

Erik: Yeah! Isn't it neat? That Banana Boat instant tanning cream really does work! Although if you don't spread it evenly, you turn orange.

Christine: -doesn't get the very big hint- So, why do you wear this mask?

Erik: Oh that...yeah, you see...the- Is that a distraction I see?

Christine: -turns around- Where? Where? Wow! A sewer!

Erik: Yeah! You like? -takes Christine out of the gondola- Oh! Oh! You just _have _to check it out! This is...my... dollhouse? Whoa! Hey, how did that get there? -pushes it off- I meant check out my...other doll? Uh, um, damn! Would you faint all ready?

Christine: You actually play with dolls? –faints-

Erik: Ptsh. Finally.

Christine: -wakes up- That's just weird -faints again-

Erik: Well geeze, this is the greatest Christmas gift they've ever given me! Okay, so! You get to sleep on the couch disguised as a swan bed tonight. Damn, I'm so feminine...-giggles-

X

Thanks for the reviews guys. Too lazy to post them now.


	4. 4: Strip!

Jonochi – I love my Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. –hugs-

Yumi – Well, I love my…um…-glances around- Beef….stew….

X

Christine: -SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE-

Erik: -shudders- -turns on musical monkey box- That'll drown out the sound...runs to the bathroom- What...never seen a Phantom take a leak?

Buquet: -runs around with a towel on his head- RAH!

Random Girl: Batman! Yay! -Oh, wait. Phantom. Gotcha.

Buquet: Oh...I was thinking Quasimodo...but whatever! Yeah...lets seee...the Phantom...ugly paper like skin...a nose...that didn't grow...so..yeah, no nose! And on one side of his face I thiiiinnnnk he used just a bit too much instant tan cream...or he's a pyro!

Girl: AHH! Tanning cream!

Christine: Whoa, how did I get here in a SWAN BED? I should have chosen virgin margaritas last night. –hic- Ah dear…Wow! A mask! I haven't seen one of those! -takes Erik's mask-

Erik: AH! PERVERT! -pushes Christine- How would YOU like it if someone started stripping YOU!

Christine: Want to find out?

Erik: -giggles- Yes! I mean uh...-cackles- Since you have taken off my mask, I will be somewhat nice to you and sing to you about my ugliness! Then...THEN the stripping reeeaallllyyyy starts!

Christine: -gives Erik his mask- Isn't this taking a step backward, though?

Erik: -takes mask and puts it back- No...I just liked that part...-shifty eyes- Crap...I forgot to send out all those letters to my pen pals! You go back home for now! -runs off to his desk-

Firmin: Carlotta Missing, Christine Missing, Wallet Full. I love the opera...

André: Damnable! Damnable! My pen pals letter came late! Oh, Firmin! -cries on Firmin's shoulder- Oh yeah...and we don't have a cast...Anyway...did you get your letter yet?

Firmin: Why, yes, I got your letter, you sly little thing you.

Andre: oh, you mean from the PHANTOM? -shifty eyes-

Firmin: Oh yes...ahem...that one...yeah...-pockets a letter and pulls out a different one-

Andre: Yeah...My letter says that the performance sucked...and was great...how do ya figure?

Firmin: He wants money? Damn. My wallet was finally full...

André: Awww...-pats Firmin's shoulder-

Firmin: Well...at any rate. This Opera Ghost is greedy...and ever so confusing...

André: Yeah, and Raoul thinks I sent that note that says "Don't touch Christine". Hahaha! I thought Raoul knew I was...um...never mind.

Carlotta: How coulda you send me thisa note? Patron? Paaatron? Ok...who forgotta to bringa him in?

Raoul: Sorry I'm late...girl problems...heh...-adjusts his pants-

PotO Phans: _His_ pants? When did that happen?

Raoul: I mean...never mind that! -shifty eyes-

Firmin: -winks at Raoul-

Raoul: -nods back- Carlotta, I did not send you the note that says...takes out her note "Christine is better"?

Raoul: You know I wouldn't baby! Well...what I mean to say is...look...is that an overly large naked statue? Oh my! -dives behind Andre-

Mme. Giry: O.o

Meg: Ah...my virgin eyes!

Mme. Giry: Yeah. 'Ere iz a note. Got to warn you that thehre will be a strange voice ovher when you read eet though. Just for a 'ead's up.

Firmin: -nods- Alright...lets get it over with then...those voice overs creep me out!

Erik: Don't make Carlotta the countess. That wasn't so bad, was it?

Back to Firmin: Whoa...ok...well, I don't like that Idea anyway. reads on

Erik: And if you don't like my idea, a bad thing will happen...ooohhh...scary, eh?

Firmin's voice: -shudders- Gotta be a joke…

Erik: Don't argue with me!

Firmin: But I'm the one saying it all! AHHH!

Andre: -holds his head- don't listen to the voices! Don't listen to the voices! Don't listen to the voices...

Carlotta: Oh Great...this is alla for Christine...yeah...her lover has sent it! Now, the only way I will be happy...is ifa my managers grovel again!

Managers: -GROOOOOOVEL- We love you, Carlotta!

Outside Crowd: We love you Christine!

Firmin: See? There saying "We love you Carlotta-ine!"

Carlotta: Well...since you hava givin me a new doggeh...I shall beleef you, and play the countess for you! Even though the idea of a realleh bad thing to 'appen is realleh realleh scary! But I 'ate Christine!

Raoul: You WHAT?

Carlotta: I-'ATE-CHRIS-TINE!

Raoul: AAAAAAH!

Mme. Giry: Oh my...

Erik: No-one's listening to me. Hmmph!

Cesar: Neigh. –translated- "Sorry bout that Erik..."

Erik: HOLY HELL! THE HORSE IS TALKING!


End file.
